So, there I was, swiping away on OkCupid like a caffeinated raccoon rummaging through a trash can. I matched with a guy named "ScaryLarry" (not his real name, but it could’ve been). We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed normal enough—until he invited me to a “dark and stormy” themed dinner. My curiosity got the best of me, and I agreed, thinking it would be a fun Halloween-esque vibe. I show up at the restaurant, and there he is, wearing an all-black ensemble that would make a vampire jealous. He even had a cape. I thought it was a quirky touch until he opened a weathered box of tarot cards from his pocket. “But it’s still sunny out!” I protested as he shuffled the cards like he was about to perform a magic trick at a children’s party. "I predict...a tumultuous evening!" he announced dramatically. The table conversation quickly spiraled into bizarre territory—how he believed that ghosts had been following him since childhood and how he was convinced he had a “psychic connection” to a raccoon named Mildred. I should have left, but it was like watching a car crash; I was simultaneously terrified and unable to look away. When he pulled out a life-sized cardboard cutout of a raccoon named Mildred from under the table, proclaiming it as his spirit animal, I knew it was time to escape. I made up a fake phone